


the love in my heart.

by darkerholland



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Fluffy, Fluffy Ending, Happy Ending, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-06
Updated: 2020-11-06
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:28:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27416512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkerholland/pseuds/darkerholland
Summary: Five unspokenI love you’sand one loud and clear declaration of love.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Lee Felix
Comments: 6
Kudos: 155





	the love in my heart.

##### i.

“Do you know where Chan is?” Eunji asked, her hands clutching a box filled with folders.

“The studio, I reckon,” Felix replied. He had just left the dance practice room and was headed to the dorms when Eunji had stopped him in the corridor. She was a new intern, and just about everyone liked her. She had a natural charm which made you just want to be around her.

Eunji pouted. “I’ve got to sort and file all of these old folders. Chan said he’d help me with them if I treated him to dinner afterwards.”

Felix lifted the lid of one of the boxes and grabbed the folder that was sitting on top. He flipped it open. They looked like financial statements.

“What’s this?”

Eunji rolled her eyes. “All sorts of files. Old contracts, provision agreements, financial statements, transcripts. Boring things. Someone used to take care of them but then they quit and the company never bothered to hire someone new, so they’ve just been thrown into a random box. And now,” she said with a sigh, “I’ve been given the task to sort through them.”

Felix whistled lowly. “Not an easy job, I assume.”

“Not at all. I’d started already when Chan had come in and he’d said he’d help me after he was done with work, but he still hasn’t come.”

“When was this?”

“Nine hours ago,” Eunji said pointedly.

Felix gave a guilty smile. “I’ll go to the studio and drag him away from his laptop if I have to.”

“Thanks, Felix, you’re a sweetheart!” Eunji called out as she hurried back to her office.

Felix shook his head. What was Chan thinking? He had never broken a promise before, no matter how insignificant it may have been. It’s why everyone called him _responsible_. He took his responsibilities seriously. You could always count on Chan.

Felix knocked on the door, but there was no answer. He sighed. Of course, not. Chan was usually so caught up with work you could let a bomb explode next to him and he wouldn’t notice.

After knocking again and still no answer, Felix decided to just go in. And he was met with a sight he had never encountered before.

Chan’s laptop was closed. His chair deserted. The entire couch had been taken up by Chan’s sleeping figure, and even a blanket covered his body. Chan was snoring softly, cuddling the blanket closer to him.

Felix smiled. _Finally_. Chan had been overworking himself again this week, barely getting any rest and even less sleep. It was nice seeing Chan take care of himself.

Felix pulled the blanket up past Chan’s shoulders and patted his head tenderly. He squatted next to him for a few minutes, looking at his face. It looked so peaceful and serene. Felix could’ve easily spent another hour looking at their leader like this.

Despite his promise to Eunji, he couldn’t make himself wake Chan up, so he left quietly, sighed, and instead of pressing the elevator button for the ground floor, he pressed the button for Eunji’s floor. He was in for a long night.

##### ii.

Chan’s hair was a big inspiration for memes within the fandom. Felix couldn’t really blame them. Most of the time it looked like it had been fried ten times and then dyed and fried another ten times. It looked unhealthy and it felt even worse. Felix was scared to run his hand through Chan’s hair in case he accidentally pulled some of it out. Which was a real shame considering Felix loved playing with Chan’s hair.

His hair had been curly and blonde for the past few months, but with the comeback approaching, most of the members had to undergo transformations. Seungmin remained a brunet and Hyunjin only went one shade darker than his current blonde locks, but Jeongin became redhead (again) and Felix himself got assigned the colour purple. He didn’t mind purple. He’d had purple hair before, albeit only for a few days as it was a wash-out. He was excited for it to be a more permanent colour.

Chan was to have a minty green colour. Last time, it hadn’t gone over that well. The dye had been darker than expected and Chan had been dubbed ‘broccoli’ by his members and staff, a nickname that had stuck even when he had bleached his hair again. Felix had seen the photo’s their hairstylists had been inspired by and he doubted Chan’s hair would end up looking like the model’s. His hair was too damaged for a correct colour transfer, but the stylists always gave Chan the more experimental hair because he had never refused it.

Felix wasn’t a stranger to unusual hair colours or styles himself, but he hadn’t always allowed the stylists to go wild with their artistic freedom. They had wanted to give him a rattail _on top_ of a mullet, which is when he had politely declined.

Felix didn’t understand why the stylists wouldn’t dye Chan’s hair back to his natural colour and leave it like that for a year or so. Sure, it wouldn’t be as much fun, but Chan’s hair just hadn’t looked very nice these past few months. Felix had jokingly suggested Chan should shave his head, but the stylists had put their foot down. They wouldn’t allow it, not this close to a comeback. Felix doubted they would ever let him do it, considering there was always a comeback in sight.

“I think it’ll be okay,” Chan said as he sat down in the chair next to Felix. The hairstylist, Minyoung, draped a black barber’s cape over his body and fastened it around his neck.

“Let’s start with a cut first,” she said, looking at his hair through the mirror. “It’s looking a bit dead.”

“I don’t think a simple cut will help the state of his hair,” Felix said apprehensively.

“Go away, Felix. You’re already finished, no need for you here,” Minyoung said jokingly, though he could hear the earnestness in her voice. He sighed and got up, clapped Chan on his shoulder, and left the room. His own hair had turned out great. He feared for Chan’s.

***

He was in his bedroom when the laughter started. It was sudden and high-pitched and then turned into a continuation of strangled sounds between breaths. Felix, curious as to what had occurred, made his way to the living room, where most of the members had gathered.

Chan was stood in the middle of the room, a sour look on his face. Felix understood why. His hair had been ruined. Minyoung had seriously messed up this time. It was green… sort of. It had a yellow hue around it, and she had cut it too short, giving him not only a straight bowl cut, but also tuffs of hair that awkwardly stood upright. It was by far the worst hair he had ever had during his career as an idol.

“We have to shoot the teaser images tomorrow,” he moaned. This only made the others laugh harder.

“They’ll have to edit a wig on,” Jisung said between breaths.

Chan shot him a deadly look.

“It’s not too great,” Felix said finally. Five pairs of heads whipped around at the sound of his voice. “But we can fix it,” he offered. “We can shave it off.”

Chan shook his head and have a miserable look. “Minyoung won’t allow it.”

“Well Minyoung is out of luck,” Felix said, a little sharper than he intended. “This just simply doesn’t look good. You suit a lot of things, but not this. Come on.” He grabbed Chan’s hand and pulled him to the bathroom.

“I’ve only done this once, but it’s not too difficult,” Felix said as he prepared everything. Minho was kind enough to bring a chair but didn’t leave before laughing at Chan’s dejected look.

It didn’t take too long. Felix left it a bit longer at first, just in case, but Chan told him to shave everything until he was left with a military-style buzzcut. Felix saw the relief seep into Chan’s face as the hair fell down his front.

It didn’t even look too bad. In fact, Felix thought it looked rather good. There were no patches where he had accidentally shaven off to much and the lines were nice and even. The yellow hue had disappeared, leaving Chan with truly green hair. It suited him better.

Chan gave Felix a blinding smile, and the younger one almost melted on the spot. “Thanks, Lix. You’re a real lifesaver.”

“You’ve got a nice head shape,” he said, rubbing his hand over Chan’s head. Chan closed his eyes and sighed, content with his new hair and Felix’ hand admiring it.

##### iii.

The café was too busy to even sit down. Chan and Felix joined the queue to order coffee, talking about their upcoming comeback. Stay had created a lot of buzz around it. The trailer had garnered over five million views already and the boys were feeling the pressure to perform well. They didn’t want to disappoint their fans.

The queue moved fast, thanks to orders being called out every ten seconds. Employees were filling cups of coffee as if they were machines, never stopping to even take a breather. Felix felt for them. Back in Australia, he had also worked in customer service, and he knew how tiring it could be, especially on days where it felt like you were on automatic pilot all day long.

“Hi!” the girl behind the counter said cheerily. “What can I get for you guys?”

“Can I have a dark roast with vanilla sweet cream please?” Chan ordered.

“A flat white for me, please,” Felix followed. He held his card out to pay, but Chan beat him to it. He swiped his card through the machine and threw a dazzling smile to Felix.

“My treat.”

“You take such good care of me,” Felix, stroking Chan’s head. The new hair had gone over well with the fans, and Felix had forced Minyoung to reconsider any other outrageous plans she had for Chan’s hair.

Chan closed his eyes for a moment and sighed contently. They waited to the side until their order was called out.

Felix immediately noticed something was wrong. Chan never shied away from making comments about the food he was eating or the beverage he was drinking. Now, he just sipped the coffee and didn’t say anything. Nothing.

“Everything okay?”

“Hmm?” Chan hummed, looking at Felix in confusion.

“The coffee, you dingus.”

“Oh,” Chan said, holding the drink out and looking at it. “It’s nothing.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah,” he said. He hesitated. “They forgot the sweet cream,” he said sheepishly. Felix stopped in his tracks.

“Let’s go back.”

Felix was already walking the opposite direction again, but Chan gently pulled him back. “It’s okay. They’re super busy.”

“We can just go back and ask for sweet cream. They don’t have to make a new drink.”

Chan shook his head. “Leave it, it’s fine. I like it.”

Felix gave him a look. “Chan, you hate bitter coffee.”

Chan shrugged. “It’s caffeine. I need it right now.”

Felix sighed, but followed Chan back to the dorms. He tapped Chan’s arm with his own coffee and held it out to Chan. A frown appeared on Chan’s forehead.

“What?”

Felix sighed again, more dramatically this time and pushed the coffee his way. “Take mine, then.”

“Are you sure? It’s _really_ bitter.”

“Just give it to me, Chan.” They traded the cups with grace and Chan took a sip from Felix’s flat white. He immediately perked up.

“So good,” he said with a smile. “Thanks, Felix.”

“No worries,” Felix mumbled. He took a sip of the dark roast and refrained himself from making a face. It was absolutely disgusting. Chan was lucky Felix’ love for Chan’s smile was stronger than his hatred for bitter coffee.

##### iv.

Chan was very good at taking care of the people around him, but less at taking care of himself. He was always telling people to eat well and sleep early, but most of the time he forgot to eat and he considered sleep as an enemy to his work.

Another way in which this was apparent was in the way he dressed. He always dressed as if it was twenty degrees Celsius outside. The other members teased that it was because Chan still – after ten years – hadn’t gotten used to the nuances of South Korean seasons yet, and his wardrobe was still designed to be worn for Australia’s weather.

Felix assumed it was more about lack of care. Why put a coat on if he was only going to the studio to work, which was only a few blocks from the dorms? It was warm inside the studio, so there was no need to bring a hoodie or coat with him. A long-sleeved t-shirt was fine, even it was freezing outside.

As a result, he often got sick. Not that it bothered him. The delirium that came with colds helped him in his songwriting process.

“Put a coat on, it’s cold out.”

The first time Felix had said it was when it was snowing outside and he caught Chan trying to leave the house in only a thin jumper and torn jeans. Chan had sighed but put the coat on to please Felix. He had verbally complained when Felix had stopped him to actually zip it up, and he had been most offended when Felix had added a scarf to the outfit as well.

“On your way,” Felix had said.

“Yes, mom,” Chan had grumbled.

Since then, the sentence _put a coat on, it’s cold out_ lived high on the list of Felix’ most-used vocabulary. He was constantly saying it, nagging Chan to take care of himself and dress warmly.

Sometimes Chan would put a coat on, sometimes he’d sigh and only take it with him (why? it was easier to put on than to carry around the entire way there) but most of the time he would leave the house without acknowledgement and coat, and then feign sudden deafness when Felix would confront him about it later on.

Sometimes, Felix would start the sentence and Chan would finish it for him in an exasperated sigh and Felix would feel like a mom scolding her son and Chan would nag like a son getting scolded. It was a routine neither of them really minded.

Felix heard Chan shuffle out of his room, through the living room and into the entrance hallway.

“Put a coat on, it’s cold out,” he called out absentmindedly, stirring the vegetables in the pan. There was a moment of silence and then a snort followed.

“It’s summer, Felix.”

“Oh,” Felix said. He looked outside. The sun was shining brightly. “Then just be safe.”

##### v.

Maybe Felix was a _little_ drunk, but he wasn’t going to admit it.

“I’m only somewhat tipsy,” Felix pointed out smartly whenever someone commented on the state of his quickly-disappearing sobriety. The slight slur in his voice didn’t help his case.

They were celebrating the success their latest comeback had garnered them. The staff had put together a small get together in the office lounge, which had obviously turned into a full-blown party by the time it had started.

The music was good – it was mostly their own music, mixed in with other music from JYP artists – and the food was definitely to Felix’ liking. He held his beer in one hand and scoured the table for delicious snacks. He laughed whenever Jisung made a joke or Minho bust out a dance move which he wouldn’t have performed had he not been under the influence of alcohol.

They were having a good time. They were having a great time. Felix was definitely not trying to drown out his ever-growing feelings for Chan. Absolutely not.

He’d been able to keep them under control for the most part, and he was proud of himself for not being so obvious about it. But only a few days ago, Chan had manoeuvred himself into Felix’ bed for a cuddle and Felix had been happy to oblige. They had been _platonically_ cuddling as _best friends_ when Chan had suddenly said ‘you make me really happy, Felix,’ and Felix hadn’t known how to react. He’d hoped Chan hadn’t noticed the way his heartrate had suddenly increased. If he had picked up on Felix’s weird behaviour the days after it, he hadn’t said anything about it.

FANCY by Twice came on, and Felix took to the middle of the room to perform the dance routine, earning laughter and applause from the crowd. In his mind, he had executed the dance perfectly, but Chan gently pulled him away to a corner and took the alcohol from his hand.

“That’s enough for you, little one.”

Felix frowned. “Why do you call me that? We’re the same height.”

Chan laughed. “Because you’re younger than me. You’re like a younger brother to me.”

Felix scowled. Chan always called him his little brother. It had never annoyed him as much as at this moment.

“I don’t want to be your little brother,” Felix said, huffing and pouting.

Chan observed him, his eyes suddenly growing serious. “What do you want to be then?”

Felix didn’t answer in words. Maybe it was the alcohol. It was affecting his common sense. Yes, that was it. But he knew the alcohol was only an excuse he would use later to explain his behaviour. He was fully clear-headed as he leaned into Chan and pressed his lips to Chan’s.

##### one.

“We should talk,” Chan said quietly, murmuring the words into Felix’ ear as he moved past him. Felix ignored the shiver it sent up his spine and nodded at Chan, following him into their shared bedroom.

Yesterday evening, Felix had made a quick escape after kissing Chan. He hadn’t wanted to deal with the consequences. Now, he regretted that decision. He would have been drunk yesterday. He was fully sober now.

Chan closed the bedroom door softly and pointed at his bed, intending for Felix to sit on it. Felix, in turn, expected Chan to sit on Changbin’s bed, putting some distance between them, but he surprised the younger one by sitting directly next to him. Their arms brushed against each other. Electricity shot up Felix’ arm, and he unconsciously rubbed the spot where their skin had touched.

“What happened yesterday?” Chan asked calmly.

“I love you,” Felix blurted out.

Chan’s eyes widened, and he stuttered something incoherent. He looked away from Felix, his eyes darting from the door to the laundry basket in the corner of the room.

“I probably should’ve told you earlier,” Felix admitted, “before I kissed you and stuff. But I was too scared. I’m still scared, to be honest. I’m deadly afraid you’re going to reject me, because you always put Stray Kids before yourself and I know us being in a relationship would jeopardise the group, but I can’t keep lying to you, nor myself. I can’t live in one house together and pretend I don’t love you.”

Chan didn’t say anything and he refused to look at Felix for a moment longer. Felix sighed, and move to stand up, but Chan grabbed his wrist and pulled him down again.

“I’ve been in love with you for three years,” he said softly. Now it was Felix’ turn to be surprised by the sudden love confession. Three years? Since before debut?

Chan took a deep breath. “I don’t know if it will work out. I don’t know _how_ it will work out. But I want to give it a chance. I want to give us a chance.”

Felix laughed and threw his hands around Chan’s neck. He whispered _I love you, I love you, I love you_ between kisses and Chan whispered them back with a smile on his lips.


End file.
